The last week or so has been quite a struggle to find joy and contentment. I've been seeking God for wisdom in making decisions. Asking Him to reveal His will for my life, I've spent hours in prayer, journaling and silence. Slowly He began to make things clear, but it's not what I desired. Wrestling with a major decision, I wanted to continue to pray and pretend that God hadn't truly revealed His will. Wanting things to be happy and fairytale like, I just wanted my decision to be easy. While on facebook I found a status from Ms. Kerry Nutting that brought me great comfort "I make the choice to let my attitudes be dominated by the promises of God, not the circumstances of the present. I will rejoice, and enter the day with singing." Leading a Christian life, allowing God to sit on the throne of my life isn't always easy. In fact there are many times I want to head in the opposite direction, but he always seeks me out and guides me back on track. Other days I believe lies such as "God would love me more if I..." or "I don't want God to love me less if I..." this is foolish. There is nothing I can do to make God love me more and there is nothing I can do to make God love me less. He is my shepherd, my strength, my shield, my fortress, my comfort, my all in all. My contentment and joy are centered in the gospel and His great love for me.
The song "How He Loves" by David Crowder is especially powerful, giving me a mental image of the overwhelming love and grace God showers on me. It speaks of God as He "loves like a hurricane, I am a tree, bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy" While walking outside fighting this mighty Galway wind and pelting rain I have a new perspective. I choose to think of it's overwhelming power just the same as God's love and mercy are for me. It's not always easy to walk in, but it's where God wants me, He has placed me here and I am thankful. Whether my decisions are simple or quite difficult I will rest in the comfort of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
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